Happiness in a charged up marriage

Some of you may know that Erik’s and my marriage got a major reboot five years ago. I’d like to write a book about that sometime, but in the meantime (today) it’ll suffice to just say that I went from taking Erik for granted to caring deeply about his happiness—especially my part in it.

I remember having the thought–after the reboot had happened and we’d taken a second honeymoon and ordered a new wedding ring set and were having a grand old time in bed every day,

Who would have thought that my happiness was to be found in my marriage?!

I had suffered so much depression, stewed over all the possible causes and all the potential solutions for years, and yet “enjoy and pamper your spouse” had not even entered my mental radar as a means to lasting happiness. What a shock, then, what a revelation when I found myself in 2006 delightfully happy by being delightedly grateful for and passionately re-in-love with my spouse!

Beautiful story, but, unfortunately, not “end of the story.”

Things were great for months, but after a while I started returning to some of my old mental habits. Fortunately, Erik and I have remained close and emotionally intimate–spending most evenings talking together, as best friends—but that hasn’t prevented my depression from rearing its ugly head.

So, I was remembering yesterday that thought from five years ago—that my happiness could be found in my marriage—and realized it’s about time I started enjoying my marriage the way I did at that time. I want to throw away my worries with hopeless abandon and get seriously in love again! So I’m going to start applying some sexy thought filters throughout the day:

• “How can I feel more connected to Erik right now while I’m doing _____?”
• “What could I do for him today to make his life lighter and happier?”
• “What romantic comedy could we watch tonight?”
• “What memory of Erik do I want to hold in my heart today?”
• “Erik loves me, wants me, and thinks of me throughout the day . . .”
• “Erik’s such a stud. I love his . . .”

Sounds fun. Being in love is fun!  Charging up one’s marriage is a great way to get happy.