Warning signs

It disturbs me that in religions of personality*, adherents have no independent means by which to judge the actions or teachings of their leaders. Everything the leaders say or do (or write) has to be accepted. “What have our leaders taught about this?” is the only test they use in determining whether something is morally right or wrong.

Would that clear warning signs would go up each time their leaders’ teachings or actions crossed the line from supportive/compassionate/beneficial to abusive/controlling/harmful.

The flags could say:
“Emotional manipulation”

“Unsupported claim”

“Condescending”

“Shaming”

“Double standard”

“Us vs Them”

“Unreasonable demand”

“Overly simplistic”

“Peer pressure”

“None of their business!”

“Out of context”

“Exclusionary and divisive”

“One-sided”

“Provincial”

“Unknowable”

“Group think”

“Threatening”

“Self-serving”

“Opinion stated as fact”

“Blind obedience”

“Anecdotal”

“Insensitive”

I worry that, being without this kind of warning system, people in such groups end up doing or believing things that are harmful to themselves and others.

I wonder if one way people can train themselves to avoid blind obedience is to regularly ask themselves, “How would I feel about these ideas if it were Adolph Hitler delivering them? Are these ideas worthy of my devotion?”

What other mental warning flags do we need, do you think?

**************************************************************************************

*in which “infallible” leaders are revered and trusted as the final word on truth-knowledge-divine will.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My last 10 years, in a nutshell

2005 –
Control-freak, uber-Mormon mothering
Taking Erik (my hubby) for granted
Trailer trips with the kids and puppy (Erik always working)

2006 –
Marriage “reboot” and second honeymoon
Lots of sex! ๐Ÿ˜‰
Exercising at gym together 5+ times a week

2007 –
Strong reaction to Erik losing his testimony
Limiting Erik’s parental voice
Hoping for a miracle = temple once a week

2008 –
Surviving as an Interfaith couple (2 denominations)
Religious discussions every Sunday!
Epiphanies and insights = broadening of my perspective

2009 –
Conviction of church’s importance gone
Desire to broaden members’ perspectives
Leaving the church but worrying (!) about people’s judgment

2010 –
Training for a marathon with Erik = best postmormonism “therapy”!
15th anniversary cruise to several bucket list places
Agreeing to be new lay leader at Utah Valley UU

2011 –
Depression!
Wanting to know “who I REALLY am”!
Attempting to grow Utah Valley UU

2012 –
Chaplaincy training and painful group work
Depression!
Growing a slightly “thicker skin” about people knowing I’ve left the church

2013 –
Existential angst!
Trying an antidepressant –> uncomfortable constipation ๐Ÿ™
Low libido

2014 –
FEELING HAPPY!! (full dosage of anti-depressant)
Enjoying Erik! ๐Ÿ™‚
Lots of volunteering and interfaith friends (SMOFA, UVRMC, UVUU, UVPM!)

2015 –
Regular diet of romance novels (and the dessert that follows reading them!) ๐Ÿ˜‰
Emotional hurdles to pursuing a job/career
Cooking fancy meals and embracing the “art” of grocery shopping (escapism?!)

**************************************************************************************
What an interesting exercise . . . to decide three in-a-nutshell themes for each of the last 10 years! (Is theme the right word? Definitely not highlights. More like consumers-of-my-thoughts-and-time . . . )

How would you summarize your past 10 years?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How I respond to the idea that this is the only life Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขll have

I consider myself agnostic now. Despite myriad past “spiritual witnesses,” I now find no compelling reason to believe there is a spiritual realm or next life. (I believe those past experiences of mine can be explained by the fact that the human brain has an exceptional ability to find patterns. Whenever I came across or experienced things that resembled what the church teaches, my brain most likely recognized the pattern and confirmation bias would set in: I was “receiving a witness of the truthfulness of the gospel.”)

Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel peace of conscience. (If there is a deity, wouldn’t he/she/they/it know my journey, my heart–my reasons for disbelief–and not condemn me? . . . )

Anyway, after leaving the religion of my youth (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints–“Mormons”), I have loved being able to serve in whatever volunteer capacities I choose, rather than having them assigned. Love docenting (being a tour guide) at our local art museum; being a spiritual care volunteer under the chaplain at the regional hospital; teaching the children in Religious Exploration class at our UU fellowship (ethical behavior, critical thinking, knowledge of world religions, etc); and serving as a support meeting moderator for people transitioning out of the LDS church here in Utah County! And since I’m used to dedicating a portion of our earnings for donations, I now love being able to use those funds to make charitable contributions to whatever organization, family, or individual I wish to support.

I’m not sure I’m more productive, however. I’ve suffered so much depression in the past that now, enjoying life is a huge priority. (Thank you, Wellbutrin, for mostly eliminating my depression!) I now spend a lot of my time talking (and smooching) with my husband, Erik, sharing thoughts on Facebook, strength training at the gym, taking naps, cooking fancy meals, tucking in my kids, going out to lunch with friends, practicing flamenco, enjoying long conversations with people I meet, saving money (aka “shopping sales”!), and experimenting with my wardrobe and makeup. Oh yes, and reading an occasional romance. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m also trying to train myself in communicating more respectfully and patiently with my kids. If some of that rubs off on them, I think it will be one of the profoundest ways I can “leave a legacy” and “serve mankind.” (Kindness begets kindness . . .)

Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขm grateful that a man I know asked a question today online concerning how people without a religious faith or belief in an afterlife choose to use this one life of theirs. More productive? Less productive? More selfish? Less selfish? Greater ambition? Less ambition? It provided me the impetus to write out these thoughts of mine.

–For those interested in viewing it, here’s a talk touching on existential angst which I gave at our UU fellowship last April: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34SXKFZ5cxg

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment