I’m okay (at least today) with the fact that I’m not always okay

A few weeks ago I shared with my friend, Stacy, a new perspective I’d recently come to about myself and my life:

I’m mentally ill and not going to be “fixed,” even with therapy.

Ouch, right?

No.  Surprisingly, the idea that I am mentally ill brought me relief.  “If I’m mentally ill, I shouldn’t expect more from myself than is reasonable.  If I am mentally ill, that means I don’t have to keep up the unending, self-incriminating attempts to discover and solve the underlying causes (behaviors? thoughts?) which have brought about my years of depression. I just need to work through the symptoms of my depression (and creative mania) as they show up.  Take one day at a time.  Give myself a break. Be grateful for the good days, amazed at the occasional accomplishment, and kind/gentle with myself on the days I am having a hard time.”

Ironic though it may seem, I experienced tremendous relief, sustainable self-compassion, and renewed commitment to my wellbeing when I concluded that I’m not fixable.  I now expect (rather than lament) that there will be days of depression, and when they come, I take note; talk with my hubby about what I’m experiencing; decide what I want to do during the depressive episode (go to bed? take a hike? talk things out? make a planning list?); and trust that it will pass before long.

Not sure if I am officially mentally ill, but at least today I’m okay with that hypothesis.

About Shaunalei

Sometimes working toward peace is a serious business; other times it's just a whole lot of fun. I created "Peace by Piece" as a storehouse for some of my thoughts. (Aren't you lucky to have found them?!) Enjoy!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I’m okay (at least today) with the fact that I’m not always okay

  1. rjs485 says:

    Congratulations. Mistakes you can kick yourself about, but depression is not your fault.

Leave a Reply