Creating one’s life

While I was on my mission, a certain young man whom I had been very interested in back home stopped writing to me. I soon learned from my mom that he was engaged. My reaction was very interesting. Although I was naturally disappointed at first–since he was someone I greatly respected and thought I’d like to marry—it didn’t last long. Recognizing that pining after him had been a distraction, I felt that his being out of the picture now freed me up to fully engage in the work. And upon further reflecting how such pining for love-and-marriage had robbed my college years of much of the enjoyment potential that engaged-learning-without-romantic-drama could have afforded me, I resolved: ‘Never again will my happiness depend upon a man!’ I immediately envisioned a meaningful life that I could look forward to as a single (graduating college, teaching high school Spanish for 5 years, taking a trip down to Argentina to visit all the friends I’d made . . . ). ‘I’m going to live my life, and if marriage happens along the way, fine.’

Sour grapes? Maybe. Or maybe an emotionally healthy decision.

Ironically, love found me quickly after I returned home–when (or perhaps because) I was least worried about it. According to my husband, Erik, the relaxed enthusiasm I exuded as a woman-with-a-plan was very attractive to him. His attentions, interesting conversation, and enthusiasm for me were also very attractive. We married just over a year later.

Recalling that mission experience today, I was struck by the peace-filled energy that came when I decided to work toward creating my future life rather than lament my current lack. The latter is such a waste! To pine away is, literally, “to lose vigor, health, or flesh, as through grief.”

Here’s to putting depression in its place by making decisions and moving forward! (Wish me luck.)

About Shaunalei

Sometimes working toward peace is a serious business; other times it's just a whole lot of fun. I created "Peace by Piece" as a storehouse for some of my thoughts. (Aren't you lucky to have found them?!) Enjoy!
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One Response to Creating one’s life

  1. Jen says:

    I’d say it was a healthy thing, and being in that healthy (and loving) place made you beautiful!! Thanks for sharing the link to your blog, I’m looking forward to reading more!

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